Reread Ender's Game today. Speaker for the Dead tomorrow? I think so.
Sometimes lies are more dependable than the truth.
This would not have a happy ending. So Ender decided he’d rather not be the unhappiest at the end.
Ender leaned his head against the wall of the corridor and cried until the bus came. I am just like Peter. Take my monitor away, and I am just like Peter.
But this isn’t how it feels to be a bugger, thought Ender. They don’t ware this face like a mask, it is their face. On their home worlds, do the buggers put on human masks, and play?
"Then you’re dead, too, sweet little sister."
"Oh, yes," said Valentine. "They’ll believe that. ‘I didn’t know it would kill Andrew. And when he was dead, I didn’t know it will kill Valentine too.’ “
"So, what are you going to do?"
"Persuade him that he wants to come with us more than he wants to stay with her."
"How will you do that?"
"I’ll lie to him."
"Another oral exam, huh?", Peter said.
"Shut up, Peter," said Valentine.
"You should relax and enjoy it," said Peter. "It could be worse."
"I don’t know how."
"It could be an anal exam."
"Valentine loves me."
"With all her heart. Completely, unstintingly, she’s devoted to you, and you adore her. I told you it wouldn’t be easy."
"It’s what I was born for, isn’t it? If I don’t go, why am I alive?"
"Just one more example of the stupidity of the military. If you had any brains, you’d be in a real career, like selling life insurance."
At last he came to a door, with these words in glowing emeralds: THE END OF THE WORLD. He did not hesitate. He opened the door and stepped through.
Perhaps it’s called the end of the world because it’s the end of the games, because I can go to one of the villages and become one of the little boys working and playing there, with nothing to kill and nothing to kill me, just living there. As he thought of it, though, he could not imagine what “just living” might actually be. He had never done it in his life. But he wanted to do it anyway.
He could see Bonzo’s anger growing hot. Hot anger was bad. Ender’s anger was cold, and he could use it. Bonzo’s was hot, and so it used him.
"Fairness is a wonderful attribute, Major Anderson. It has nothing to do with war."
"I’m putting you in Dink Meeker’s toon. From now on, as far as you’re concerned, Dink Meeker is God."
"Then who are you?" "The personal officer who hired God."
I’m doing it again, thought Ender. I’m hurting people again, just to save myself. Why don’t they leave me alone, so I don’t have to hurt them?
"Peter, you’re twelve years old. I’m ten. They have a word for people our age. They call us children and they treat us like mice."
"I can’t do a weekly column," Valentine said. "I don’t even have a monthly period yet."
"No. I want you to write a letter."
"What good does that do? Ender never answered a single letter I sent."
Graff sighed. “He answered every letter he got.”
It took only a second for her to understand. “You really stink.”
That’s the problem with winning right from the start, thought Ender. You lose friends.
Carn Carby left, and Ender mentally added him to his private list of people who also qualified as human beings.
He thought of a half dozen ideas before he went to sleep. Ender would be pleased—every one of them was stupid.
"Real respect takes longer than official respect."
Perhaps it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.
"As for Peter—we didn’t even suggest a meeting, and so he didn’t have a chance to tell us to go to hell."
"Two faces of the same coin. And I am the metal in between."
"The trouble with coins is, when one face is up, the other face is down."
"I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them they way they love themselves."
Two sides of the same coin, but which side is which?
"We aren’t just ordinary children, are we. None of us."
"Don’t you sometimes wish we were?"
"Human beings didn’t evolve brains in order to lie around on lakes. Killing’s the first thing we learned. And a good thing we did, or we’d be dead, and the tigers would own the earth.”
"It’s just as meaningful to say that our ancestors could easily have been very much like squirrels."
"If that’s all we have to go on, that’s something, ” said Ender.
"Squirrels never built starships, " said Graff. "There are usually a few changes on the way from gathering nuts and seeds to harvesting asteroids and putting permanent research stations on the moons of Saturn."
"I am your enemy, the first one you’ve ever had who was smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on. From now on I am your teacher."
I don’t care if I pass your test, I don’t care if I follow your rules. If you can cheat, so can I. I won’t let you beat me unfairly-I’ll beat you unfairly first.
"I don’t have to be your commander anymore, do I?" asked Ender. "I don’t want to command anybody again."
"You don’t have to command anybody," said Dink, "but you’re always our commander."
They would help the newcomers when they came, teach them what they had learned, but what mattered in life now was who would marry whom, and who was sick, and when was planting time, and why should I pay him when the calf died three weeks after I got it.
"What was in there?", asked Abra.
"The answer," said Ender.
"My question." And that was all he said of the matter;
I go cheesecake factory with brian. Then I go coldstones with danny again. Then I go sleep. Then I wake up and have PREEETTY headshot taken of me. Then I come home and mope. Then I go to community center and perform Call Me. Then I come home and mope again. Then I go to lunch at D&B on sunday. :D Then rehearsal with veronica on monday. I LIKE THIS WEEKEND.
So Veronica Yu and I are choreographing a dance. Its essential concept is how the memories of those you once cared about come back from time to time to haunt you, and cause whatever pain or joy they deem necessary. I was having trouble for a little while, cause I couldn’t get the emotion just right, it seemed laggy and unrealistic. Now I have a point to grab from, and things are starting to flow in my head. Dead Hearts by Stars. I have a wonderful idea for the removal of my goggles now.
Nice rant and a good rehearsal. Makes the night wondeful. I LOVE YOU DEAD HEARTS. YOU GUYS MADE ME PROUD TONIGHT. Except for claire. She scared me D: Girl can’t do a knee drop to save her life. I hear some knee pads screaming your name.
I'm gonna be honest (And hate myself for it later)
I’m a slut. No better way to put it. I’m a slut, and I usually hate admitting it to the people that deserve to know about it the most. I throw the statement around like its a medal of honor when I’m with people who really know the way I am, and that kinda bugs me. I know in my mind that I’m capable of excelling anything I choose to, without much effort. And since realizing this, I have had a significant boost in confidence. The mixture of that, and the discovery of how easily I can get guys begging to go out with me has lead to a lot of negative behavior. I don’t even know where to begin.
I guess for starters, I should point out with how easy it is for me to fake emotions. It kinda goes hand and hand with my dancing, but I’ve always been really good and shoving whatever I really feel to the depths of my mind, and putting a giant ass sugar coated smile on my face. Its become second hand nature to me, almost. I can be sitting in a car with some guy, and they’ll be confessing some legit feelings to me, and I’ll respond as if they’re the love of my life, but in my mind all I can think about is getting in the back seat and making out, or when the next opportunity for free stuff will be.
I’m also really great at using guys. My ability to sweet talk absolutely anyone, and knowing just what to say, has made me the master at secretly leading someone towards getting what I want. This part, I’m usually aware of, but I have little control over it for some reason. Its the part that bugs me more than anything. I remember being in a “relationship” with a guy I absolutely LOATHED. But he was just so great about using that card of his, I just couldnt bare to break his little heart and point out how much I wanted to slap him whenever I got in the car with him.-___-x Finally killed that on Christmas day, because I couldn’t stand the thought of having to meet his family.
SO, as of last spring, I got a hold of an application known as Grindr. Grindr is a gay dating application for Ipod/Iphone. It has lead to some of the greatest, and worst things that has ever happened to me. It introduced me to gay society, I started to meet and talk to guys that were around me, which lead to several changes. The more positive changes were the realization that I was a catch, and that I was on high demand. Negative effects were the loss of interest in my peers, overly high confidence, and a decline in respect towards others. I don’t want to elaborate on these things too much, but Grindr has lead to several nightmares. I hate being able to sit here, and recollect all the memories of the guys I’ve gone through. I’ve been in relationship-like statuses with 9 (Plus the like, 50 that I either led on until I abruptly stopped talking to them, or abused for the sake of a free meal.) guys (Since the end of April 2010). Only 3 of which I actually liked, 2 were of appropriate age, and only 1 guy falls under both categories. Steven, Frank, Kyle, Jimmy, Andrew, Danny, German, Chris, Ray. Its kind of disgusting.
My issue now, is that I’ve found interest in someone I have genuine feelings for, but I’m in such a fucked up mess within myself, that I don’t even know how to actually vent those feelings to him. (Also, not relevant, but I take things to quickly. My mind works a lot faster than other people, and its a bloody curse.) So I’m pretty much screwed. Cause theres quite literally nothing I can do at this point. (I’m cutting this post off here. I just wrote a good 3 more decent sized paragraphs, but I feel like they really shouldn’t be posted for the public to view.)
These past few days have made me significantly more aware.
More aware of how much more efficiently I work when I can just do things on my own. I don’t have to worry about the way other people will perceive the methods of my actions, I know exactly what and how things are happening, and I know it’s quality.
Cant effing wait to get out of this High School. I have successfully secured myself a job! Now I just need to get into a community college, and finish up my audition for LDC. Things working out nicely? Hell yes.
1. Are you single - yes 2. Are you happy - Somewhat, a little irritated. 3. Are you bored - At the moment, slightly. 5. Are you a blonde - Nope 6. Are you moody - Quite. 7. Are you a lover/hater - Indifferent 8. Are you hot/cold- HOT THEN YO COLD, YA YES THEN YA NO. :D 9. Are you Irish - As a matter of fact, I am :D 10. Are you Asian- Nooope.
TEN FACTS 1. Name – Tyler Reeves 2. Middle - Jameson 3. Any birth marks - Yup, I got one on just above my right pelvis. 4. Hair color – Brown 5. Natural hair color – Same as above? 6. Eye color – Hazel/Green 7. Height - 5’9’ 8. Mood - Passive 9. Favorite color(s) – Aqua&Orange 10. One Place You Want to Visit - Kuroshio Sea
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE 1. Do you believe in love at first sight – Something like that, Yes. 2. Do you believe in soul mates – Not really 4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - Who hasn’t? 5. Have you ever broke someone’s heart? Guilty as charged 6. Ever had your heart broken? - Yes, actually. I did. And someone just recently mimicked the same bullshit, flashback much. Quite bothered by it. 7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? - Yup. 8. Are you afraid of commitment? - Not even slightly. 9. Who was the last person you hugged? – I thiiiiink it was Ali? 10. Who was the last person you said I love you to? – Not something I need to put down here.
TEN THIS OR THAT 1. Love or lust – Love 3. Cats or dogs – Cats! 4. A few best friends or many regular friends - Select best friends. 5. Television or internet - internet 6. Chinese Or Indian - chinese 7. Wild night out or romantic night in – romantic night in 8. Money or Happiness – Happiness. I don’t really care about money. 9. Night or day – Night.
10. MSN or phone - phone
TEN HAVE YOU EVER 1. Been caught sneaking out – Yup. Almost lost my home cause of it. 2. Been skinny dipping – Once :P 3. Bungee jumped – Never 4. Finished an entire jaw breaker – Si 5. Lied to someone you liked – Yup 6. Wanted an ex boyfriend/girlfriend back- Yuuup. 8. Cried yourself to sleep? - Lol, Yup. 9. Cried because you lost a pet? - Yeah. 10. Wanted to disappear – I believe everyone has that feeling every now and then.
TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER 1. Smile or eyes - Eyes 2. Light or dark hair – dark 3. Hugs or kisses - Hugs 4. Shorter or taller – Either is fine. 5. Intelligence or attraction – Intelligence 6. Romantic or spontaneous - spontaneous 7. Funny or serious - A happy medium 8. Older or Younger - older 9. Outgoing or quiet – A balance of the two. I ususally work best with the quiet ones though. 10. Sweet or Bad Ass – Sweet.
TEN HAVE YOU’S 1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - Quite often 2. Ever had drugs? - Yup. 3. Ever consumed alcohol? - Yup.
5. Ever been on a cheerleading team? - For two months during sophomore year :D 6. Ever Been on a dance team - A company, yes. 7. Ever been on a sports team - Nope. 8. Ever been in a drama play/production - nope 9. Ever kissed the same sex - Ohhh yes. 10. Ever been in a rap video? – Nope
TEN LASTS 1. Last phone call you made – Veronica 2. Last person you hung out with - Jordyn! Fuckin love her ;] 4. Last time you worked – Lol, a while ago. 5. Last person you tackled – Charles! 6. Last person you IM’d – veronica 8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with – Not important. 9. Last thing you missed – Not important. 10. Last thing you ate - Spaaaaghetti.
LAST PERSON TO 1. Sleep beside you?- Broski 2. See you cry?- Hmm.. mom 3. You went out to dinner with? – Mom 5. You talked on the phone to? – Tita Jane 7. Make you laugh? – Deeeebbs
WOULD YOU RATHER 1. Pierce your nose or tongue? – Nose 2. Be serious or be funny? - Depends on the situation 3. Drink whole or skim milk? - Whole 4. Spend time with your parents or enemies? - parentals
ARE YOU 1. Simple or complicated? - Simple 2. Retarded? – I have my moments (:
DO YOU PREFER 1. Flowers or candy? - Flowers 2. Gray or black? - Both 3. Color or Black and white photos? - really depends 4. Sunrise or sunset? - Sunset 6. Staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY 1. Do you like anyone? – nope. 2. Do they know it? – i like nobody at the moment.
UNIQUE 1. Nervous Habits? – crack my knuckles ): 2. Are you double jointed? - Nope 3. Can you twist your tongue around and roll it? - no. 4. Can you raise one eyebrow? – Yes 5. Can you cross your eyes? - nooooo! 6. Do you make your bed daily? – only when my mom comes over(:
QUESTIONS 1. Which shoe goes on first? – i never really noticed… 2. Ever thrown something at someone? – Yuuupp 3. On average, how much money do you carry? $15 4. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - twiiirl(: 5. Have you ever eaten Spam? – yeahhh 6. Favorite ice cream? - Rocky Road & B&J Double Fudge Brownie 7. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? none, we ran out 8. What’s your favorite beverage? – Passion Tea Lemonade(: 9. Do you cook? - Yeahh
1. Last Alcoholic Drink – Blue Moon 2. Last Car ride – to mom’s friends house 3. Last Movie Seen – My Amnesia Girl 4. Last Song Played – She Ready Now
“I don’t have a sob story to write but just like everyone else,
I’m living this life and you don’t need to win me over.
There isn’t another side to shelter me from. I’ll belong where I decide.”—(via bangsquared)